ken wilson online

In case you haven’t noticed, your brain is wired to pay special attention to criticism.  And it doesn’t matter that you are your own harshest critic, now that email makes it emotionally painless to offer correction (don’t you love the anonymous “propetic” emails?), you will have plenty of opportunity to focus on your shortcomings.  So when the encouraging words come, hold on to them.  Yesterday I had doozy, and I aim to savor this one.

A young couple approached me after church and said, you probably don’t remember us, but you saved our marriage.

Say what?  Yes, we came to talk to you after church about six years ago when we were newly married. My 57 year old memory started kicking in.  They were a very young couple, married after a very short courtship and they were in the ugly process of tearing themselves apart when I sat down with them in my office.  You said two things to us that turned us around.

So what were the two things, I asked–just to see if they were blowing smoke.  First, you told us that we were being really hard on each other and we needed to know that there is a line that two people can cross and once you cross it there’s no turning back. But the line isn’t labeled.  You only find out that you’ve crossed when you find that you can’t get back. You told us that you thought we were really close to that line.  That scared us, and we needed to be scared because what we were doing to each other was dangerous. And we stopped right then and there.   We stopped being so hard on each other like that because we didn’t want to cross that line.  Until you told us, we didn’t even know there was one.

So what was the second thing?  You said you thought we were still just getting to know each other when we got married and needed to give each other some space to build more trust. And so we did that and now we know each other a lot better.

The thing is, they were beaming.  They were obviously deeply in love with each other and sincerely grateful for the counsel.

I wanted to stop, drop and thank the Lord that he allowed me to part of their story.  That he allowed me to be a pastor.

But here’s my point young pastor: what did I do immediately after that conversation?  I had another conversation, and another–you know what it’s like after church.  It was the Christmas program–my head was spinning as it always does when we do something like that.  Lots of people to catch and thank.  And then get ready for Christmas week.

But now I am older pastor and I realized how precious was the encounter I’d just had.  This was encouragement from heaven for me.  This couple waited behind, went out of their way to talk to me.  God had them go out of their way to talk to me. And I had better bother to listen to what they had to say.

I told my daughter without using names. And my wife.  And Donnell Wyche, our associate pastor.  I’ll tell my son, who is also a pastor next time I see him.  Why?  Because we need to capture encouragement any way we can.  One way to do that is to tell others–chosen others, not anyone.  People who appreciate what a gift it is to learn that one one does makes a difference every now and then.

This couple lives in another state and were just in for a visit.

It reminded me that our job as pastors is not defined by our own congregations.  Our commitment is to the kingdom of God.  People come and people go, especially in a high-transit town like Ann Arbor.  We are a way station for many who are passing through this University town on their way to whatever is next.

Did they put a check in the offering plate that morning?  Probably not.  They have their own church to support back home, one would hope.

Right. So, young pastor,  were you called to create the largest, most successful church possible?  Or were you called to be a pastor, an under-shepherd, a sheep dog for the master, a go-fer for the King of the Universe?  The same one who told Peter, “Feed my sheep.”

Do what you need to do to hold on to the encouragement that comes your way. Don’t let it roll off your back.  Don’t let it slip into the abyss while your brain laser locks on whatever negative thought it’s been obsessed with lately.

Gifts like this have a purpose: to get you through your day, your week, your year, your life.   Help them do their job.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 10:12 am and is filed under advice to young pastors. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.