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young pastors: rumination, the bane of the praying brain!
Many pastors I know are subject to the mental cruelty of their own rumination. Oh, it’s the bane of pastoral ministry! Rumination, like a cow chewing her cud, swallowing, regurgitating to chew some more, ad nauseum, pun intended. It’s as unpleasant as it sounds when it happens in your head: going over and over the same thought, the same problem solving inner dialogue, the same rehearsed conversation for extended periods, ad nauseum, no fun intended.
Jesus had rumination in mind (I think) when he told his disciples not to worry beforehand what they were to say when dragged before councils and kings. He knew, perhaps by personal experience with his own brain, that the neurological alarm system is powerful and it can stimulate the frontal lobe to think in circles, like a dog chasing its tail, to no end.
Overthinking, a counselor called it when I was driven by a mild depression to get some help with my brain. Overthinking! As soon as he uttered the word it was as if a disease had been named. Oh, what a relief! Maybe it’s not just me. Maybe something’s wrong that can be fixed!
The diagnosis helped my praying brain, that’s for sure. I began to recognize the symptoms of overthinking and realized that much of what I took for prayer was rumination. No wonder I had to use all my willpower to pray! I was occupying the mental landscape of pious anxiety much of the time, thinking this was the “labor” of prayer. No, it was the curse of rumination.
Silence was the cure for my ruminating brain. Be still, and know that I am God.
It took me a while, but in time, I learned to value silence inside the cranial cavity. It begins by teaching yourself to ignore the swirling thoughts rather than egg them on. To let them run ahead rather than chase after them.
It proceeds by meditating on Scripture, not just reading it. Taking a word or a phrase and returning your focus to that world or phrase as your jittery brain bounces from thought to thought. In time, the thoughts do slow down. They become less persistent and insistent, like voices from the side of the swimming pool when your head is under water.
“For God alone my soul in silence waits.” (Ps. 62:6) Silence. As if there’s something out there more valuable than my thoughts. Oh, freedom! Let me listen for that silence!
Young pastor teach your soul to wait in silence. Begin by craving a little silence. In the din of your thoughts, seek it out, behind them, beneath them, beyond them.
Practice this daily. Begin with a minute. Build up to ten minutes. Take months if necessary. Be satisfied with a whiff of silence heard, a moment of stillness in the brain between thoughts. Renee Descartes was wrong. I think, therefore I am, he said. Close, but no cigar. I am, because He is. I am, because You are. I am more than my thoughts. There’s a me beyond them, as important as they are. There’s a You, beyond them to be known with and without them, so wonderful is He. There is an irreducible Us, within which I am embedded.
I’m waxing philosophical, I know. But I’m not kidding.
Are you ruminating often, such that when you place a moist finger on your forehead you hear a little sizzle sound? Maybe you too are over-thinking.
Get some help. Talk to someone who understands how to lead the ruminating brain out of it’s bovine existence. Unless you enjoy the misery.
[FOR COMMENTS: What have you leaned about rumination and overcoming it? How do you experience it? Is it just me, or is this a serious challenge in pastoral ministry?]
Tags: frontal lobe, Jesus, misery, overthinking, pious anxiety, prayer, praying brain, rumination, silence, stillness
April 30th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Thanks Ken, I don’t consider myself quite a pastor, but i am certainly a ruminator… I always appreciate the practical next steps you provide along with your critiques and anecdotes.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Dear Ken, I got chills with the part of your article that emphasized that “I am, because He is. I am, because You are. I am more than my thoughts.” Beautifully put! Emphasis on God, on the other and away from self–oh, it we could all be so wise as to learn that lesson and stop our thinking self-obssesion; what a much better, peaceful world this would be!!! Thanks much for this reminder to seek daily silence and first and foremost, God first!
May 1st, 2009 at 10:15 am
It all started when I as a young believer, went to college and joined a somewhat disfunctional Intervarsity campus group, the now defunct Drexel Christian Fellowship (I like IV, just our group was weird)
That started me on a wave of rumination that still affects me. It led to anxiety, low grades, loss of sleep, damaged relationships, a poor reflection on God and unimaginable misery.
Usually focused on how I was falling short of Jesus’ call in my life to live simply, have no material interest, no other passion except for Him and whatever sermon I had last heard.
The professional counselors I consulted pointed to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and prescribed Klonopin and later Prozac.
Much of my healing has come through this church’s preaching and encouragement, which is part of the reason I love it so much.
My overcoming of rumination (still in process) has been mostly in the continued reminders I and close friends of mine have reinforced that it is not all up to me and whatever the issue may be, I have committed myself to Jesus and should expect His leading in everything, so my ruminating is a waste of effort, it’s not all up to me.
Well, distracting myself through movies, working on cars, my job and other pursuits has also helped immensely.
I can see how rumination can drive one nuts, especially a pastor who is ‘required’ to study scripture, think and ‘ruminate’ on it as he prepares a sermon or teaching.
So in conclusion, I tend to fear the idea of meditating on Jesus or anyone else for tha matter, because in my mind, I see it as a portal to more rumination.
Can anyone explain to me the practical difference? I long to commune with God in a way that He accepts and does not drive me to drink, but the rumination aspect of it stops me.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:44 am
Joao,Thanks for a great description of rumination and its effects! I have a suggestion for you (see me in person for it) but you could try this. 60 seconds (no more) per day, once a day, when you focus on the name “Jesus” and practice ignoring all other thoughts that intrude. It may be unpleasant at first because the rumination may be swirling around in your head. But it’s just for a minute, and during that minute practice ignoring the thoughts. Even (especially) if they are religious thoughts, thoughts about the bible, what’s right, what’s wrong, is it OK to just focus on the name Jesus? blah, blah blah. For 60 seconds practice placing your focus away from those thoughts to simple name, Jesus. For 60 seconds, no longer. Let me know how it goes after 7 days in a row. Don’t expect anything, just try it.
May 1st, 2009 at 11:43 am
Ken, this has helped me recognize two areas of my life where rumination exists. The first is about my performance at work. It seems that there is always somthing more I could have done to teach a better lesson, or another priority I should move up the list. I ruminate over which priorities are least likly to get me fired if I don’t do them, because it is impossible to do them all. So I exist in a state of incomplete work, unfinished business, and constant checking over my sholder. Over time this has become normal and I’ve gotten better at ballancing it all, but at times I find myself in self loathing over what I SHOULD have done better. There is always a should!
Then there is my lovely wife who I constantly strive to communicate better with, but understanding all the subtle feminine messages, vocal tones, and facial expressions is no easy task. So I think about all the times I screw up and try try try to figure it all out, then once I think I got it, she comes up with something new. Thank goodness she is pretty easy going!
I like the one minute meditation per day idea. I think I’m going to try that. I don’t think I have spent one minute this month. The verse about silence you shared above was very inspiring.
Thanks!
May 1st, 2009 at 11:47 am
Hmmm, I was ruminating this a might, and I think it depends on what you are ruminating on . . . according to Proverbs and other texts, we are to ruminate on God’s Word. To Meditate–to mutter–ruminate day and night. That actually accentuates our prayer life, don’t you think.
So maybe rather than discouraging ruminating, let’s change what we reminate on . . .
May 1st, 2009 at 12:58 pm
nick, i think there’s a reason the bible translators don’t use “ruminate,” but rather “meditate.” different things. the thing about ruminating is that you keep going over the same ground… over, and over, and over. i think of meditating like a nice long walk through the woods. ruminating would be more like walking in a circle until you’ve worn a deep groove in the earth. one is pleasant and refreshing, the other–not so much.
May 1st, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Joao, I agree completely with the approach that you have been taking regarding your ruminations and your OCD:
“…It is not all up to me and whatever the issue may be, I have committed myself to Jesus and should expect His leading in everything, so my ruminating is a waste of effort, it’s not all up to me.”
“Distracting myself through movies, working on cars, my job and other pursuits has also helped immensely.”
Only competent medical, psychiatrict, and/or psychological professionals who are experienced in treating your condition and who know you and your case well should be recommending anything to you in the area of “meditations”. You would do well to not take any advice regarding “meditations” from anyone other than the medical, psychiatrict, or psychological professionals who know you best.
May 1st, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Don, I may not be a hebrew scholar (yet), I have some handy reference books and as I understand it, in the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for meditation is haga, which means to sigh or murmur, but also to meditate, and to muse, or rehearse in your mind. That sounds like ruminating to me.
The psalmist says that “his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he “meditates” day and night” (Psalm 1:2). Joshua 1:8 says, “This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night . . .” that means to continually speak it and the ponder it . . .
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 am
having studied hebrew at the baltimore hebrew university, i have to take Don’s side…meditate is not ruminate. meditation deals with murmuring or musing on an aspect of YHWH-Elohim (His Name(s), His attributes) or even more so His Word/Instruction/Torah/TaNaKh. rumination as ken has set-up for us is “overthinking” something that makes us anxious…
meditation is something to embrace, not to mention contemplation, which seeks to by-pass the thinking-mind and be present to God, just as I AM is present to us.
even more, i think in charismatic circles and communities the “rumination” of our thinking mind becomes too often the “prophetic insight” we pawn off on others because we are undiscerning and have lost or obscured the depth of contemplation and silence and presence.
in fact, i wonder – even as we have rendered down the gospel to some 4-step tract – how many other significant issues have been “rendered down”. like prayer. often people define prayer as “chatting with God” or “conversing with God”…what of the prayer of silence? What of the experience of God?
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 am
In the past several months I have been quieting my soul and the only prayer I pray in that silence is “I love you”. I just tell God I love Him. I can do this throughout the day and I’m pretty sure He loves to hear it, almost as much as I love saying it.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Don, I love your analogy for the difference between rumination and meditation! As one who has ruminated plenty, but also found great comfort and sustenance in meditating on scripture that sure describes the difference! There’s an anxious quality to ruminating—a going around in circles getting nowhere. When I recall or read a passage and let it sink in, calm me, remind me who God is, orient me—in the context of this conversation, I’d call that meditating. Lately, I’ve been going to Isaiah 40: “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary…..but they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.” I don’t think about it as much as absorb it. Waiting in silence before God has the same quality for me. Something like just stopping on that walk to contemplate the intricate beauty of a flower or just stopping to listen, attentively taking it all in.
May 3rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Thanks for this – I know I do overthink, and it is the antithesis of peace, and cause of a ton of health problems too.
I use the Celtic Daily Prayer book and the Celtic tradition has a lot to teach about stillness that is really helpful.
I think we need to live counter culturally, and peace is certainly not a part of the culture any more unfortunately.
May 4th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
René Descartes wasn’t wrong.
His original statement was in French, “Je pense, donc je suis,” from his Discourse on Method (1637).
He used the Latin “Cogito ergo sum” in the later Principles of Philosophy (1644).
“I think, therefore I am.” -OR- “I am thinking, therefore I exist.”
He was right. If you know that you are thinking, then you know that you exist.
Descartes walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and finishes it.
The bartender says, ”Would you care for another drink?”
Descartes replies, ”I think not,” and disappears.
May 5th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Maybe an aside, but I never got this thing about Descartes. He would exist regardless of whether he thinks or not. His thoughts are irrelevant. He could be dead and still exist.
Maybe what he means by ‘I am’ is self awareness, not existance.
Could this be a pattern of thinking that is particularly Western?
We seem to put a lot of importance on our thinking, what WE think of something, how WE feel, what truth is for ME. What kind of God WE find acceptable.
Our feelings have importance, but I was reminded in this sunday’s sermon that God is other than us and He is beyond us and the extent to which we know Him is only the extent to which He allows us to know Him.
I think back on the discussion Job had with God in the end of the story where after his complaint to God, God’s response causes him to just be quiet, to have no response.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Ken,
My only objection is that ruminating doesn’t only plague pastors. I was only on staff with Campus Crusade for 5 years, and I have been away now for almost 4 years. Maybe that is where I get it from…maybe not. All I can say is that I’ve had the thought that I’d like myself a lot better if I didn’t ruminate endlessly. Brennan Manning also calls endless self introspection a big waste of time and a barrier to loving your neighbor as yourself. So, I follow the logic of it but quitting isn’t easy. For me it is almost like an addiction. I’ll give the 60 seconds on the name of Jesus a go. He’s the consuming fire afterall.
I’m thankful to God for you, Ken.
May 7th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I’m a Jesus follower through and through, but I must say when I came across the Buddhist term ‘Monkey Mind’ I had an a-ha moment. Most of us are entertained by those cute rambunctious,mischievous creatures at the zoo for their non-stop antics, but as Joao described it wreaks havoc with us when it happens internally. Settling oneself down before the start of the day with the Psalms is the great way to put the monkey mind to rest, and gives one a better chance to let his or her little shine, so to speak.
From today’s TDH– psalm 86:11b “…knit my heart to You.”
May 7th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Ken, I might have mentioned this before, but I see a lot of Brennan Manning in what you have been teaching in the past years.
He is my favorite author and I absolutely love his word play, like ‘the furious love of God’ or ‘I am a saint with a great capacity for beer.’ or looking at the universe with wonder in the phrase: ‘magnificent monotony’.
Donn’t know if you have read him, but his books ‘The Ragamuffin Gospel’ and Lion and Lamb’ have literally changed my life with respoect to the struggles I mentioned on my 1st post.
Like you, he has received a lot of criticism from fellow evangelicals, though I am not sure where to place him, since he used to be a Catholic priest who decided to get married and so became in his own words a ‘vagabond evangelist’.
May 10th, 2009 at 1:51 am
I think my point might have been lost in the many words. Although I love to sit quietly; to walk through the woods and listen to the sounds around me; to stand on a mountain top and be amazed at God’s creation . . . while it certainly relaxes me and relieves whatever stress I may have had, for me, it’s never increased my faith or devotion.
If we were to continually dwell on finances; employment (or lack of it); all the “affairs of life,” without reminding ourselves of the promises of our Father to meet those needs, we’d go crazy.
For me, it’s WHAT I think on. What I seek to focus on is both the logos and the rhema–God’s words that are written and those He speaks to my spirit. If that is the ruminating you are referring to, it works for me. If you are referring to continually focusing on the “troubles of life,” then I agree wholeheartedly with you! If that was where my thoughts were, I’d probably end up curling up in a fettle position and suck my thumb all day . . .
I always argue that Satan only has three weapons to use against us–think of it as TIS: Thoughts, Ideas, and Suggestions.
If we can control those, we’ll find the peace “which comes from Christ” to “act as umpire continually deciding and settling–with finality–all questions that arise in [y]our minds” (Col 3:15)
May 10th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Part of my thoughts are reinforced in Proverbs 4:20-22:
“Dear friend, listen well to my words; tune your ears to my voice. Keep my message in plain view at all times. [Now here's my point:] Concentrate! Learn it by heart! Those who discover these words live, really live; body and soul, they’re bursting with health.”
See what I mean? “Keep it in plain sight . . . concentrate (on it) . . . roll it around your thoughts, meditate and focus all your thoughts on His instruction.
The problem doesn’t seem to be focusing your thoughts, or “ruminating,” perse, it’s what you’re focusing your attention and energy on.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Nick, In response to your comment: “Although I love to sit quietly; to walk through the woods and listen to the sounds around me; to stand on a mountain top and be amazed at God’s creation . . . while it certainly relaxes me and relieves whatever stress I may have had, for me, it’s never increased my faith or devotion.” Since the heavens declare the glory of God and creation reveals invisible qualities of the creator, I think it’s meant to increase our faith and devotion along withe meditative process you describe with Scripture.
May 12th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
from one overthinker to another, thank you so much for posting this. your lovely daughter is always also advocating silence when I moan about not feeling… at peace. she knows me well. I think your post is very well written. I’m so glad you’re our Pastor!
May 12th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
For 20 years of my Christian walk I struggled with prayer. It was all one way. I’d throw words — good words, well thought out words, scriptural words — out into the universe and hope they “stuck”. I had little to no ability to hear God. Why? Because I couldn’t differentiate between my inner chatter and His voice. Since He tells us the “my sheep know my voice” it’s possible I wasn’t really saved. But that’s irrelevant, because now I can hear his voice. What changed? Through your mentoring on prayer I realized that my constant rumination wasn’t the norm. That it was possible to “be still.” In fact, it was quite enjoyable and peaceful. For the first time in my life I learned how to subdue my inner chatter. This then made it much easier to hear God, who tends to whisper, not shout. Thanks!
May 13th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I realize that I am often accused of “stirring the pot” (and probably for good reason). So just to calm everyone I should admit that I cherish the times of quiet and peace. I mean, if I have to let the peace of God “act as an umpire,” I better experience that peace.
I also have to admit that you and I love to “debate the Scriptures,” and you have proved to be an honored and worthy opponent in those discussions.
That being said, although I may differ on terminology, I think we agree on most of it and I loved your post . . . ;o)