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stupid thinking prayer
Experiment to blog on prayer continues, Monday morning. Meditating on Psalm 3. Lectio is different than studying a text or attempting to figure it out. It feels more like stupid thinking. That is a pondering the words, attentive to images or feelings that emerge from simply holding the word in one’s mind, if that makes sense. I think it requires learning first to be still and silent and ignoring most thoughts as distraction, which allows the brain to function at a different level, or one chooses to focus on a different level than the ordinary analytic thoughts one has when engaging a text. See, this is difficult to describe.
This morning, Psalm 3, vs. 1: Lord, many are my foes…..leads to an awareness of the raw or basic fact of foes. All of our ancestors were to some extent able to survive their foes long enough to mate successfully, at least. So there is something in me that is designed to guard, protect against, foes. This morning feeling the fact of that. In the polite company of civilization that basic human reality is submerged behind many layers, but it’s the raw human material. So, just being aware of that, like a band of early homosapiens surrounded by wolves, or other predators, including other humans. This brought an awareness that foes are simply a common experience of being human: my father fought in WW2, was surrounded by foes, as was his father in WW1, I just missed being drafted at the height of the Vietnam War.
As a pastor, one is aware of people who disagree or object to this or that. It’s more or less a constant of the job or any form of leadership, or even just working with others. And the wiring of the brain is such that the same equipment that responds to enemies or foes responds to that: fear, defensiveness, hyper-alertness. Even though the criticism or objections might be well founded and worth listening to as they often are. So it’s a given, and ever-present part of life. The rawness of the language of the psalms, like, “Lord, many are my foes” is a way to face the reality of that in prayer, before God.
This morning, then a simple awareness of this part of being human, including an acceptance of this part of being human, and an awareness of engaging God in the middle of this experience. What a relief not to face it alone, is what the feeling was. Oh, this is almost hopeless, trying to communicate what happens when meditating on Scripture.
January 14th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Hmm, I found that was the beauty of relatively anonymous blogging. I could write whatever even stupid stuff that came to mind however I wanted and no one cared but me. I have since started electronic journaling, then posting anything that wont get me flogged.
On meditation and trying to write it down, I have found that for me, writing every thought without filter has been helpful, but there is so much more that cannot be translated into words.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:44 am
yes, I wish I had the wherewithal to do just journalling, but I’ve never found the motivation…
January 19th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Words by themselves are. Well. They just are one of the means. Yes, they are our most intimate means. And if we can’t find the words, something needs to be done.